Welcome To Earth

Matt Hurley, Schmitty McFallsalot, Hamburgler

Matt Hurley joins Zach and Roberto today to discuss what it has been like for him to found the new Port Comedy Club in Baltimore. Later, Schmitty McFallsalot returns to the show to continue his tragic love/war saga with President Theodore Walton, his assistant Garth and Schmitty’s wife, Angela D’labecio. Lastly, Zach chats with The Hamburgler.. like, the actual Hamburgler.. and they delve into his hamburger heists and hamburger related schemes.
 
Elon Musk does not make an appearance in this episode (sorry).

Felicity Sky, Emperor Palpatine, Evil Otto

A business woman and self-described “queenpin” named Felicity Sky joins Zach and Roberto to discuss everything from her criminal empire, to branding tips, to her brother Rick’s unfortunate head injury. Then Emperor Palpatine comes back to show Zach what’s new in his life before accidentally ingesting powerful hallucinogens. Lastly Roberto and Felicity chat with a bus driver and connoisseur of strange drugs before being interrupted by Felicity’s long lost love, Greg. 

Boobie Garland, Bill Smart, Solomon

To kick off her press tour Boogie Garland comes by to talk with Zach and Roberto about her new “arthouse” film and discuss her very storied career. Later, Bill Smart comes back on the podcast with fresh revelations for Zach that Jesus Christ himself has been given Bill a new physical body and told him the real reason Roman fell. Zach, being the curious little quizbox that he is, got Jesus on the phone to ask him about burning down the Library of Alexandria. Things come to a head with the final guest, Solomon, who is a comedian, commander of Baltimore rats and a mole man. Solomon summons a swarm of magic Baltimore rats that form a collective entity known as the Rat King. 
 
Nessa Kissinger: Boobie Garland, Jesus Christ

Horus Warnock, Joke Rogan, The Joker

In an attempt to bring more attention to his museum’s art exhibits, Horus Warnock joins Zach and Roberto with the revelation that he routinely has to fight off vampires and that he himself may be a mummy. Zach then chats with a sentient Dodge Ram named Joke Rogan and Zach tries and fails to convince it to dance. Lastly Engineer Josh planned a surprise guest that would help Roberto get in the Christmas spirit — The Joker. The Joker plays Christmasy mind games with Roberto until he isn’t sure what’s real and whether The Joker is in fact Santa Claus. 

Little Joey Matthews, Sin-a-min Jack, Bob Barley

This episode of Two Kings, One Podcast starts with Zach and Roberto as the titular kings chatting with Little Joey Matthews. Little Joey performs his a cappella act around the world hoping that his ne’er-do-well father (whom he’s never met) will see him and lead to a reunion. Later, Cinnamon Jack, another traveling singer, chats with Zach about his struggle with creativity in his music career. Also he has multiple people in his head. Finally, Roberto makes friends with a salesman named Bob Barely whose only goals in life are to have fun and make toilets whistle or something.